The Big Picture
- Justin struggles with Nikki's gender identity, and refuses to fully accept her
- Despite family support, Justin still has issues with intimacy and acceptance
- Justin's actions show his lack of strength and inability to truly love Nikki
This season of 90-Day Fiancé brought a lot of conflict between the various couples featured. Jasmine and Gino's stripper issue was a big point of contention, and in part two of the reunion special, the focus shifted to Nikki Exotika and Igor “Justin” Shutenkov. All the couples did make their way down the aisle, save for Nikki and Justin. The pair have had an on-again-off-again relationship for 17 years, very different from the typical 90-Day Fiancé couple. The first time they met was through a dating site in Moldova, and they quickly fell in love. They were happy and even planning on getting married on the reality show, even going through the K-1 Visa process. Justin even moved to the US for the 90-day process, but their relationship came to an abrupt end, and they moved back to Moldova. Nikki had hidden the fact that she is a transgender woman from him and let the fact slip out during an argument. Nikki shared in an interview, “I traumatized him. And he went home, and he was depressed for a really long time. And I felt bad about that.” Despite their romantic relationship ending, the pair stayed in touch over the years as friends.
Their friendship took a romantic turn after years of speaking, and they rekindled their relationship. When the two decided to meet up in Mexico, Justin declared his love for Nikki and asked her to marry him. They decided to give the relationship another go and began the K-1 Visa process once again. This time, however, things were a little different. Nikki decided to go to Moldova and meet up with his family and friends, and things almost immediately began to get worse in their relationship. Justin began trying to limit what Nikki wore and essentially acted like he was ashamed of her. Their intimacy also suffered, with Justin openly admitting that he was struggling with the fact that she was a trans-woman. Things only worsened when Justin admitted to sleeping with other women before she arrived in Moldova. It seemed like their relationship was done and over with, but somehow, these two always managed to make up. When Nikki left to come back to the States, things were good between them. 90-Day Fiancé: The Couples Tell-All, which follows the season finale, shows that things have turned south for both of them.
90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After?
TV-14Reality-TV90 Day Fiancé: Happily Ever After? catches up with some of the most memorable couples from 90 Day Fiancé as they now face the next chapter in their marriages.
Release Date September 11, 2016 Cast Elizabeth Potthast , Andrei Castravet , Angela Deem , Paola Mayfield , Russ Mayfield , Michael Ilesanmi , Chantel Everett , Pedro Jimeno Main Genre Reality-TV Seasons 8Love Isn’t Enough to Stop Justin’s Cowardice
Throughout her stay in Moldova, Justin kept referring to Nikki’s behavior as masculine any time she had an issue with him. What’s interesting about this sentiment is the fact that they were together for five years before he learned that she was trans. A couple can’t be together for that long without fighting. And while no one was there for their first relationship, likely, he did not refer to her behavior as masculine then. He did not know she was trans at all until she said it. This means that before her saying the words, they had a normal relationship. The only thing that changed between them was the disclosure that she was born male. And therein lies the problem. The sentiments toward transgender men and women across the world in this modern era are overwhelmingly negative. Despite the scientific proof that shows that gender identity is not based on body parts themselves, many view transgender people in a negative light. Many consider it nothing more than a “new fad,” even though there is proof of transgender people existing that can be traced all the way back to the ancient Egyptians.
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The prejudices towards transgender people and the LGBTQIA community in general are deeply rooted, especially when it comes to straight men who feel that their personal masculinity is attacked. Justin simply cannot get over the fact that she is transgender. Nikki does not look remotely masculine; in fact, the way she looks and dresses is hyper-feminine if anything. His fears of people seeing her in the streets of Moldova were unfounded. But it is the way his family responded to Nikki when they saw her again for the first time in years. The conversation Nikki had with Justin’s mother was beautiful.
She pulled out pictures from their first relationship and referred to her as her daughter. It was the perfect conversation that showed his family accepting her for who she is, as she is. Justin’s behaviors toward Nikki are in complete contrast to his own family’s response to her. He claims to be accepting of her but is unable to be intimate with her for the majority of the trip. But it was what Nikki said that Justin told her at the beginning of the Tell-All that is really problematic. He told her that she was acting like a man after one of their arguments, which is incredibly offensive. Intentional misgendering is seen often, and it is both disrespectful and incredibly hurtful for a transgender woman to hear. It’s especially offensive when it comes from someone who claims to love them. Justin’s actions and behaviors show just how weak he is. The narrative he created in his head after they got back together stayed, even though he said he wanted to be with her forever.
Nikki deserves to be loved by someone who accepts all of her, and Justin is not that person. His back-and-forth attitude about their relationship, combined with his penchant for misgendering her, is proof that he is not the person for her. If he loved her as much as he claimed, he’d work on his attitude toward her gender. Ultimately, the fate of their relationship is left with a big question mark at the end of the Tell-All, but whatever the outcome is, Justin has a lot of work to do on himself.
Episodes of 90 Day Fiance can be watched online.
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